Tips for Communicating With Your Spouse During a Divorce

The idea of communicating with your spouse during a divorce may seem challenging, if not impossible, but how you communicate with your soon-to-be ex will shape how easily you speak after the divorce and, more importantly, how well you can co-parent. Your family law attorney can give you advice in this area by covering tips for communicating with your spouse during a divorce.

Communicating With Your Spouse: Dos and Don’ts

You and your spouse may experience heightened emotions during the divorce, leading to negative communication. However, it is important to remember that children can pick up on their parents’ emotions during this time. When children hear you say bad things about the other parent or use body language to convey anger or frustration, that can ultimately have lasting mental health consequences for your child.

• Be respectful: When communicating with your spouse during a divorce, avoid name-calling, sarcasm, belittling, and negativity. Practice active listening and stay composed when speaking, emailing, or texting. If you feel emotional, take a break and resume the conversation later.
• Think before responding: It is common for emotions to run high during a divorce. Sometimes, you may need to take a breath. Before responding to your spouse, take time to cool off and think it through. It is better to wait than to react impulsively and say something you may later regret. Remember, written communications can be used as evidence in court, so always respond professionally.
• Stay focused: Couples have their reasons for seeking a divorce. Once the decision has been made to end the divorce, there’s nothing to be gained by rehashing those reasons. Stick to the current topic when communicating with your spouse. Avoid veering into past issues, like when discussing child pickups, and stay on track.
• Set boundaries: During a divorce, setting boundaries with your spouse is key, especially for co-parenting. Clear boundaries regarding space, social media, friends, and communication, are crucial for emotional well-being and avoiding overwhelm. Be direct to prevent misunderstandings.
• When to say no: It is also important to know when to say no in these situations. Limiting communication is okay if your ex continues to cross boundaries or sends harassing or negative messages. Set rules, focusing on essential matters, like custody, and don’t respond to harassment. It is equally important to stick to a boundary once you set it.
• Use co-parenting apps: Consider using a co-parenting app if communication with your spouse about your children leads to arguments. These apps streamline communication about school, activities, and appointments. They often offer messaging features with safeguards against negative language. These types of apps can greatly improve communication compared to email or text.
• Avoid disparaging remarks: Speaking negatively about your spouse in front of your children harms them and your relationship. It damages their self-esteem and can make them feel pressured to choose sides. Severe badmouthing could lead to parental alienation claims, harming your custody case.

No single step will make speaking to your spouse easier, but those conversations will become less tense over time. By avoiding hurtful language and focusing on matters pertaining to the divorce process and children, you can lay the groundwork for many years of civil and productive conversations to come.

FAQs

Q: What if My Spouse Refuses to Communicate?

A: If your spouse refuses to communicate, there is little that you can do to make them. Let your spouse know that you prefer to maintain an open line of communication. It may take time for them to work through their emotions. The courts may ultimately recommend or order the use of a parenting app. This can be of benefit because it documents when one parent made an effort to communicate and what the other parent’s response (or non-response) was.

Q: Shouldn’t My Attorney Handle All Communications?

A: Your attorney will work with opposing counsel to address disagreements during the divorce process. This does not substitute for direct communication between the two spouses going through a divorce. There are times when emotions become heated during a high-conflict divorce, and communications are most effectively handled between attorneys, but the ultimate goal is for both spouses to maintain lines of communication, especially when children are involved.

Q: Will Ignoring Communications Hurt My Case?

A: Any acts or behavior that work against successful co-parenting could ultimately paint the non-cooperative parent in a bad light. While it would not affect the division of property and assets, poor behavior could become a factor during child custody determinations. To avoid coming across as a disgruntled parent, both parties should maintain open lines of communication.

Q: What Can I Do if We Keep Arguing?

A: If phone calls and emails become heated, trying an alternative form of communication may be better. One benefit of co-parenting apps is that both parents know the messages are saved and can be used later in court if needed. This arrangement tends to bring out the most appropriate behavior of both parties. If communicating turns into arguments more often than not, ask your lawyer what co-parenting apps are available.

Q: Does Communicating Become Easier With Time?

A: Yes. Although it may be hard to believe in the heat of the moment, many have found that couples who get a divorce tend to get along better over time. Give it time if your partner is overly aggressive in their communications. Do not react. Remaining calm and steadfast will prevent the situation from becoming emotionally inflamed. With time, communication almost always becomes easier for both parties.

Schedule Your Divorce Consultation Today

Remaining calm and civil when communicating with your spouse during a divorce may seem like an insurmountable challenge, but it can help the divorce process resolve more quickly. In the process, you will be laying the foundation for years of successful co-parenting.

As you navigate these and other divorce-related challenges, the attorneys of Bickford Blado & Botros are here to help. Our compassionate team offers guidance while protecting your rights and supporting you through the process. To schedule your consultation, please contact our office today.

 

Feel Free to Contact Our Office with Any Questions

858-793-8884