Nancy J. Bickford

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Gwyneth Paltrow’s split from Coldplay’s lead vocalist, Chris Martin, has been anything but ugly. Most celebrity divorces are buzzed about because of the crazy scandals that supposedly caused the divorce and the long-drawn out fights over money and custody that typically ensue. However, Paltrow and Martin have proven to have a refreshing approach to their divorce thus far…an approach I hope to see more of my clients taking in the future, mostly for the sake of their children.

The 42 year-old actress and Oscar winner is featured on the cover of the February 2015 issues of Marie Claire. In the magazine’s article she reveals that there was nothing dramatic that caused her divorce from Martin. Rather, Paltrow explains that her 11 year relationship with Martin simply “hit a wall.” In California, this type of situation would likely constitute “irreconcilable differences” as grounds for filing for divorce.

A lot of people get divorced because they are ready to focus on themselves, rather than continuing to try and make a failed relationship work. The best way to start this newfound journey of self-discovery and happiness is to not allow your divorce to get emotionally out of hand. This may be easier said than done but Paltrow seems to be evidence that it can be done. Paltrow and Martin have two children together, Apple, 10, and Moses, 8, and are allegedly treating each other with respect and even being supportive of their dating decisions, for the sake of their own sanity and the well-being of their children.

While appearing on The Howard Stern Show Paltrow explained that she’s okay with Martin dating other women because she knows that he loves the kids and that “he wouldn’t be with someone that wasn’t great.” So many times, people going through a divorce spend so much time focusing their attention on jealousy, anger and resentment towards their ex-spouse. But what they should be focusing on is the kids instead, with the understanding that their ex-spouse is likely going to continue to be in their life for quite some time as a co-parent. Paltrow seems to understand that importance of thinking about what her kids needs are, rather than her own, and working towards making the kids’ lives better despite the divorce. Letting go of the fact that your ex-spouse is dating a new person, so long as he/she is good to your kids, is one way to not let the divorce take a turn for the worse.
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As previously blogged in my blog titled “Make Post-Divorce Co-parenting Easier with Apps,” the Our Family Wizard software and database is a tool that many parents utilize and rave about. The program is particularly well-known in the family law community because attorneys and family professionals often encourage their clients to utilize the program especially in situations where the parents are in the middle of a highly contested custody case. In fact, as part of a divorce case, family law courts can even order parents to use the Our Family Wizard application.

If the program is used properly, it can significantly help keep high-conflict behavior under control. The possibility of having their lies, manipulations and aggressive behavior exposed through the app seems to deter abusive and inappropriate behavior between parents. However, in order to properly utilize Our Family Wizard and to get the most benefit out of it, it is important to understand everything that the program offers. It is known to be more than just a shared calendar. It gives users access to a variety of tools that help track parenting time, keep a schedule, share important information, track expenses and create communication between the parents. In essence, the program helps parents co-parent with less friction.

Although anyone can use the application, Our Family Wizard claims that it is specifically designed to reduce “the stress from communication and planning between parents who live in separate households.” Often times in divorces, the children end up being the “middlemen” or used to relay information to the other parent. Our Family Wizard tries to avoid the children being caught in the middle by providing the parents with a joint calendar where they can create parenting plans, share activities, trade custody days and keep accurate records. There is also an information bank where the parents can share important information, such as the child’s medical information, school information, and much more. It’s in the children’s best interest for the parents to collaboratively co-parent and avoid involving the children in the conflict.

The application also has a message board which keeps their communication secure and accurately documented. Especially in “he said/she said” cases this application, specifically the message board, can be extremely helpful to family law judges. One parent can’t claim that he/she never got the communication because each message has a “read stamp” and is preserved in the database. Another great feature of Our Family Wizard is the expense log where the parents can track shared expenses and even make online payments from a checking/savings account.
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January has been a busy and exciting month at the Law Offices of Nancy Bickford. After the New Year we hit the ground running and are busy at work filing new divorce petitions and continuing to push forward with settlement discussions and litigation preparation. Perhaps this has been due in part to the first Monday of January being known as “Blue Monday”, which legal experts have more appropriately dubbed as “Divorce Monday”.

Statistics have shown that “Divorce Monday” is the busiest day for divorce lawyers because it is the most popular day for couples to file for divorce. Over the holidays and festive season many couples endure a variety of strains on their marriage. Extra time with in-laws is bound to cause some tension among couples. The over indulgence in alcohol may bring out some couples’ true emotions and anger with one another. And all the gift buying is pretty much a given for financial strain and arguing among married couples. No to mention the extra time spent with your spouse, instead of being away at the office, over the holidays is likely to highlight relationship problems and cause the cracks to start showing.

Despite these strains that many married couples inevitably go through during the holiday season, many people want to wait until after Christmas and the New Year before actually taking that step to file for divorce. This is especially true for those couples who have children because they don’t want to take away from the excitement of the holidays. Thus a flurry of couples decide to wait until that first working Monday after the New Year to seek the help of professionals to dissolve their marriage. Hence why this day is known among lawyers as “Divorce Monday.”

Those who start their divorce proceedings in January have a better chance of being done with their divorce by the end of the year. In California, the divorce process will take a minimum of six months from the date the person filing for divorce officially lets his/her spouse know about the divorce. Of course, it could take much longer if the parties end up litigating issues and are able to reach an amicable settlement. But at least by filing in January, the parties have a better chance of being able to call themselves single at the beginning of the following year if all goes smoothly in the divorce process.
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One asset to be divided in many divorces is a marital residence that the parties lived in during marriage. During or shortly after a divorce, the marital residence may have to be sold because neither party can afford to keep up with the house payments and associated expenses alone. Or, depending on the parties’ financial situation, the parties might be able to work out a plan in which one party gets to stay in the marital residence post-divorce. If this is the case, typically the party remaining in the marital residence will have to “buy-out” the other spouse’s interest in the house. This situation often occurs when the parties to a divorce have one or more minor children still living at home. If the marital residence is not sold pursuant to a divorce agreement and instead one party remains there post-divorce then a little home makeover might be necessary to make it feel like “home” again.

A home makeover is a great way to start fresh after a divorce and help you move on from your marriage. If your house looks the same way it did when both you and your ex-spouse were living there together then it will probably be a lot harder to move on because you will have constant reminders of your ex and your marriage. The half empty closet, unused drawers and empty spaces on the walls where your wedding photos once hung will only serve as constant bitter reminders of what is now gone. Whether you are happy or sad about the divorce, those constant reminders need to go away in order for you to have a happy and healthy fresh new start at life.

The first step in a post-divorce home makeover is to fill all of the open space. You might not have excess funds to go out and buy new things, especially right after your divorce. So instead of getting new things to fill the empty void, simply reorganize and utilize all of your space with your current belongings. In order to cover up the holes in the wall from where your wedding photos once hung, try your hand at painting the wall a new color or putting up some new wall decor.

Another home makeover tip to cure the post-divorce blues is to make your bed a comfortable space for just you. Perhaps you got used to sleeping on just one side of the bed. Well now that the bed is all yours, get rid of the old sheets and pick out new sheets and a comforter that fits your new style. And add some extra pillows to help make the bed feel smaller when you are in it alone. A home makeover can be just the right thing to get you started on a new YOU after divorce!
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A name change is one on the top of the “to do” list when a couple first marries. The new bride will decide whether she would like to keep her maiden name, take her husband’s last name or hyphenate the two. Recently, some grooms have also changed their names upon marriage taking their new bride’s name or even hyphenating their names. Although the groom name change is a new trend on the rise, more often than not, the bride will take some form of her new husband’s name instead. Often at the time of divorce, there are many other stressful and pressing factors to consider besides a name change. In addition, depending on the length of the marriage, it may seem like second nature for the wife to continue using her married name without considering a name change.

If you are going through a divorce it is important to consider whether or not you would like to be restored to your former name prior to finalizing your divorce. If you and your spouse have resolved your divorce by agreement, it is easy to check the name change box on the final forms and/or include the appropriate provisions in the settlement documents. If you and your spouse did not reach an out-of-court settlement and proceed with trial, you can request a name change from the judge at the end of your case. After the divorce process is complete, the procedure for a name change is more difficult. If you are considering a name change during the pendency of your divorce, it is important to discuss that issue with your attorney so that he or she can take the proper steps to ensure the change is included in the final divorce paperwork.If you have already changed your name pursuant to your final divorce judgment, there are still additional steps you must take in order to complete the process and avoid future logistical problems. With a new name, you will need to obtain a new social security card. Your social security number will not change, but your name will appear different on your new card. Procedures for requesting a new social security card are outlined on the Social Security Administration‘s official website. A request for a new social security card can be submitted personally at the nearest Social Security Administration office or by mail.

After you obtain a new social security card, you will need to request a new driver’s license from the California Department of Motor Vehicles. Unfortunately, the DMV requires you to appear in person in order to request a new driver’s license under these circumstances. With a new driver’s license and social security card, you can request a new passport, credit cards, debit cards and update all of your information on other financial accounts.
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If you have recently retained an attorney to represent you in your divorce proceeding, chances are that you already have or will soon receive what is known as a “litigation hold letter.” Although you will inevitably receive many other letters and forms at the onset of your divorce proceeding, it is important to pay close attention to this particular letter.

Family law attorneys will typically send their clients a litigation hold letter right after the attorney has been retained by the client. These written directives are also known as “preservation letters” or “stop destruction requests.” In anticipation of potential future litigation, a litigation hold letter or notice is essentially written instructions requiring that you preserve all documents and electronically-stored information (“ESI”) which could be relevant evidence. ESI refers to any information that is created, stored or utilized with computer technology. This includes emails, computer and network activity logs, digital recordings, voice mails, web-enabled cell phones and portable devices, internet files, computer drives, disks, CDs, etc.

Generally, the obligation to preserve evidence begins when a party knows, or reasonably should know, that the evidence is relevant to future or current litigation. In other words, the evidence is reasonably calculated to lead to the discovery of admissible evidence, is reasonably likely to be requested during discovery, or is the subject of a current discovery request from the opposing party. Thus, if not already triggered, receipt of the litigation hold letter will trigger the duty to preserve relevant evidence.The scope of the hold depends on the specific facts of the case and what is likely to be at issue in future litigation. Typically, the hold will apply to all sources of data including emails, calendar entries, cell phones, accounting software, hard drives, thumb drives, contacts and task lists. Most documents today are in digital form, which is why preservation of ESI is particularly important. This does not mean that you have to save every single email or scrap of paper, but you should suspend routine destruction of documents and ESI as it relates to relevant evidence that might be useful to your opposing party. Even if your hard drive or phone breaks, for example, you need to refrain from disposing of it until your attorney says it’s okay.

If you have any questions before you delete anything or throw something away, you should speak with your attorney because there are severe penalties for what the court deems to be the destruction of evidence. You may be exposed to possible liability and sanctions. For instance, the Court may prohibit you from presenting certain evidence yourself, the court may decide issues without any input from you or the court may even make you pay for the recreation of the lost or damaged electronically stored information.
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During marriage, it is pretty common for one spouse to have health insurance coverage provided through his/her employer and to cover the other spouse and the couple’s children under that plan. How will a divorce affect both the spouse’s and the children’s coverage during the divorce proceedings and after the divorce?

Health insurance pending divorce:
While a divorce is pending and you are simply separated from your spouse, if you are currently covered under your spouse’s health insurance plan, your spouse is not allowed to unilaterally remove you or change your health insurance coverage. On page 2 of the Summons, there is a list of the Automatic Temporary Restraining Orders, including a specific order regarding health insurance. If your spouse attempts to remove you from the coverage, talk to an attorney and consider filing a Motion for Contempt.

Health insurance after divorce:
It is common for one spouse to be a stay at home parent without any access to health insurance benefits or employed at a job that doesn’t offer health benefits. If this is the case, getting health insurance after a divorce may be a significant burden and expense especially because after the divorce an ex-spouse is no longer considered a “family member” for purposes of qualifying under the other spouse’s health coverage plan.

To avoid this dilemma, sometimes couples decide to proceed with a legal separation rather than a dissolution of marriage. Although they will be legally separated and property division, custody and support issues will all be resolved in a separation agreement, they will remain married for purposes of remaining qualified under the other spouse’s health insurance plan. The parties may agree to remain legally separated for a specified amount of time (i.e. until the “uninsured” spouse is able to obtain health insurance through other means) before actually filing for divorce.If filing for legal separation is not an option for you and you are instead proceeding with a dissolution, there are still other state and federal statutes (Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act “COBRA”) which allow you to temporarily retain coverage, at a cost, under your spouse’s health insurance plan for a limited period of time after divorce. Many divorces also result in an arrangement whereby the insured spouse makes cash payments to the uninsured spouse as and for health insurance coverage. This arrangement will typically cover the children as well if the uninsured spouse is the custodial parent after the divorce. Making sure that the spouse and children remain insured is an important issue to discuss in settlement negotiations or divorce litigation if the parties cannot amicably agree.
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A family law contempt action can be a civil or criminal process which is used when one party is in violation of a court order. In the civil context, the goal of the action is to correct the problem, but if criminal contempt is pursued, the violating party pay be sentenced to five days in jail per violation. Family law orders are often ignored by one or both parties causing significant frustration for both sides throughout the case. It is an expensive and lengthy process to enforce court orders and the parties regularly end up disappointed by the court’s treatment of the violations.

The word “contempt” is frequently used to describe one party’s violation of a family law court order. For example, if one parent fails to make a court-ordered child support payment, the other parent might tell his or her lawyer that the supporting parent is in “contempt”. However, despite his or her violation of a court order, a person is not in contempt of court until that finding has been made by a judge. Therefore, if you wish to pursue a contempt action, you will have to file that request with the court before the other party will actually be in “contempt”. In addition, the general public is familiar with terms such as contempt. In a support case, the supported spouse may want to hire a lawyer to “contempt” the other side if he or she is not paying support.

Although contempt is a common method of relief shown on television and in movies, it might not be the most practical in the family law area. Considering the child support example, sentencing a non-paying party to jail time might cause him or her to lose wages or even his or her employment. In family law, attorneys often caution clients not to “kill the goose that lays the golden egg”. If the supporting spouse loses his or her job, he or she will be unable to pay support. This discussion also comes up in contentious divorce cases where a vindictive spouse may want to use information acquired during marriage to get the other party fired from his or her job. Unfortunately, an unemployed spouse cannot provide financial support to his or her former spouse and children.

The family code provides litigants with a myriad of options to enforce court orders, especially child support orders. It is advisable to consult with a certified family law specialist before filing an action for contempt. Such actions may cause more harm than good in your family law matter.
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At the beginning of each divorce case, the parties always have questions regarding how the divorce will impact their daily lives, especially their finances. One of the biggest issues, and often most disputed, is support. The parties cannot plan for their separate futures until they know whether a support order will be made and the level of support which will be ordered. Once the parties have a support order or agreement they will next consider what that support amount is intended to cover? Will my spouse have to continue paying my health insurance? Will my spouse pay for our children’s health insurance? Will my spouse pay for uncovered medical and dental expenses? Will my spouse pay for extracurricular activities? Will my spouse pay for childcare? Typically these are the main concerns for divorcing parties when discussing support issues. However, it is not uncommon for family law litigants and their attorneys to forget one important issue – support in the event of the death of the paying spouse.

Life insurance can be an uncomfortable topic of discussion; however, the issue of life insurance is an extremely important subject to include in divorce settlement negotiations. In the event that the parties cannot reach a full agreement regarding all issues, they can ask the court for orders. The court has jurisdiction to address the issue of life insurance and to make appropriate orders for the parties. In cases where child and/or spousal support amounts are relatively high, it is reasonable to consider insuring the paying spouse as a form of security for support. In high conflict cases the supporting spouse may be hesitant to agree that his or her former spouse will be the beneficiary of an insurance policy on the supporting spouse’s life. The supporting spouse often says “I don’t want to give my former spouse more incentive to kill me”. This type of argument will not likely be given much weight by a family court judge.Through agreement or court order, once the parties determine that the supporting spouse’s life should be insured as security for support, the attorneys and clients should discuss the amount of policy and which party should be responsible for the premiums. In cases where the parties take out life insurance as security for child support, the supporting spouse may be ordered to pay the life insurance premiums in the form of additional child support. If available, the parties often agree that the supporting spouse shall maintain a currently existing life insurance policy. The total amount of insurance should be based on the monthly support obligation and the number of years support will likely be paid. Each case is unique; therefore, it is important to discuss the issue of life insurance as security for support with an experienced family law attorney.
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The term “Legal Separation” and “Dissolution” are distinctly different in that a legal separation does not result in dissolving the marriage itself, while a dissolution of marriage does indeed dissolve the marriage and will return the parties to their single status. There are several reasons why a spouse may want to file a petition for legal separation rather than a petition for dissolution of marriage. Some common reasons are because of the person’s religious background, an interest to maintain certain healthcare benefits, or perhaps because the parties do not qualify to file for divorce because they have not met the residency requirement (there is no residency requirement to file a petition for legal separation in California).

Information about the Divorce Process.

If you initially filed for a legal separation for one of the reasons listed above or for any other reason, but you decide that would prefer a divorce, then you will need to convert your case into one for divorce. In California, you are able to convert your legal separation to a divorce at any point during the legal process, even after your legal separation is final. Either spouse can be the one to request that the legal separation be converted into a dissolution of marriage.If a judgment of legal separation has not yet been obtained (meaning that you have filed your petition for legal separation but the proceedings are still pending) and your spouse has not yet responded to your petition, then so long as the residency requirement is met, you (the Petitioner) can simply file an amended petition and check the box for “Dissolution of Marriage”. Your spouse will need to be served again with the amended Petition. However, if a judgment of legal separation has not yet been obtained but your spouse has already filed his or her Response to your original Petition for Legal Separation, then you may need to request approval from the Court.

If a judgment of legal separation has already been obtained from the court and you later decide that you would prefer a divorce, then you cannot just file an amended petition. Instead, you will need to start over with a new case by filing a petition for dissolution of marriage and pay the filing fee again.

Regardless of the status of the petition for legal separation, either spouse can petition the Court for dissolution of marriage. Because of this, it is typically better to simply petition for dissolution of marriage from the get-go unless both parties agree to the legal separation or a legal separation would benefit one or both parties. Also, it is important to keep in mind that the six month waiting period to be returned to single status does not start ticking until the Petition for Dissolution of Marriage has been served on the Respondent, despite the status of the petition for legal separation.
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