Nancy J. Bickford

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Those who haven’t been too jaded by divorce may choose to re-marry again. Perhaps they now know what they are looking for (or certain characteristics they are trying to avoid) in a partner or they are simply in a difference stage of life and ready for another go at marriage. But after all of the time, money and emotions that many couples go through to get divorced, the last thing you would probably expect is for that couple to give their relationship another try after their divorce has already been finalized and they have been restored to single status.

Believe it or not, people change, circumstances change, and sometimes ex-spouses are actually able to rekindle their flame post-divorce. If you are thinking about remarrying your ex, then you not only need to proceed with caution, but you also need to become educated on how your reconciliation or re-marriage will affect your divorce decree. Reconciliation after the divorce judgment has been finalized and entered by the court may require the assistance of an experienced family law attorney.If you decide to re-marry your ex-husband, you may be surprised to know that not all of the provisions in your divorce decree are necessarily negated by your re-marriage. For example, many divorce judgments have a provision whereby the former spouse has waived the right to inherit from the other spouse. Remarriage to that same spouse does not void the divorce judgment, so a new estate plan will need to be considered. Spousal support is another tricky issue with regard to remarriage after a divorce judgment. If the divorce judgment includes a provision for one spouse to pay the other spousal support, when the parties remarry the spousal support will be terminated. However, if the spousal support had already ceased before remarriage, and the parties remarry but divorce a second time, then the Court might only take into consideration the length of the second marriage, rather than the combination of the first and second marriages to the same person. As discussed in my blog entitled “Reconciling after Filing for Divorce but Before Divorce is Finalized,” the division of your assets and calculation of support may be significantly affected by filing for divorce a second time after reconciliation or re-marriage to the same person.

It would behoove you to consult with an experienced San Diego divorce attorney before you re-marry your ex-spouse and determine exactly which provisions of your divorce decree will survive your re-marriage. Hopefully the second time is a charm and your reconciliation is not a temporary fix. But in any case, if you have taken steps towards protecting yourself, your family and your finances, you will be better off.
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Deciding to file for divorce or legal separation is a huge decision for any married individual. By the time that person actually gets enough courage to sit down with a divorce attorney and sign the Petition for Dissolution of Marriage or Petition for Legal Separation, his or her mind is typically made up. But what happens if somewhere along the way, a miracle happens and the couple reconciles? Is it too late to pull the plug on the divorce and live happily ever after?

It may come as a surprise, but it is not uncommon for couples to decide to forgo the divorce action and give their marriage another shot. Perhaps they felt forced to file for divorce at the time or the issues they had with their spouse have been resolved. Whatever the reason may be, if a couple is going to make a good faith attempt at reconciliation they need to be open to change and willing to examine the mistakes they have made in their relationship in the past. Forgiveness is also a big part of the reconciliation process. It is advised that a couple establish a timeline for their reconciliation, write down their relationship goals, and talk about their issues often. It is vital that neither spouse has an ulterior purpose for the reconciliation.If a couple decides to reconcile after filing for divorce but before their divorce has been finalized (i.e. a judgment entered by the court), there are a few options on how to proceed. First, if the couple is just beginning the reconciliation process but there is an upcoming hearing on calendar, the parties may seek a continuance to get the hearing pushed out to a later date. However, the court will ensure that the continuance is not sought in bad faith or simply to unnecessarily delay the divorce. If you think that you and your spouse are on the road to a full reconciliation, but you aren’t 100% sure, then you might prefer to stipulate (written agreement between both parties) to exempt your case for a certain period of time. This means that the court will essentially put your case on hold and suspend temporary orders that are in effect.

If the parties are sure about their reconciliation and absolutely no longer want to get divorced, they can choose to dismiss their divorce action altogether but without prejudice. This means that they would not be precluded from or penalized for filing another Petition for Divorce at a later date, if the reconciliation falls through for some reason. However, if a spouse decides to file for divorce later on down the road then it is very important to keep in mind that the date of separation will be different. Pushing out the date of separation to a later date can significantly affect division of assets and calculation of support and should be considered carefully before deciding to dismiss a divorce action. An experienced divorce attorney can advise you on your best course of action.
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If you grew up in 1990s, chances are you are familiar with the Beanie Babies fad. However, if you somehow missed out on that craze, Beanie Babies were the extremely popular stuffed animals made by Ty Warner, Inc. (later renamed as Ty Inc.). They were so popular and “valued” that in 1999 a divorcing couple actually went to count to divide up their Beanie Baby collection. No, I am not kidding! Apparently, the couple was unable to figure out how to divide up their Beanie Babies by themselves, without court intervention, so they literally took them all to court and divided them one by one in front of the judge.

While the family law court provides individuals with their “day in court” to allow a judge to make a decision about their case, most people will agree that it seems pretty ridiculous to go to court to have Beanie Babies divided. Even as a family law attorney, I am a big proponent of helping my client resolve as many of their issues outside of court as possible.

Going to court can be very costly for both parties. They are not only paying their attorney’s hourly fee, but there are other costs involved such as paying for a court reporter. Additionally, going to court means that if you are a working individual, you will have to take time off work to attend the hearings. Also, the divorce process will likely take much longer. The courts are extremely backed up and hearings are typically set months out. The longer your divorce goes on, the more anger, resentment and frustration seem to build up. Is it truly worth the time, attorney fees and emotional impact?So many issues can be dealt with outside of a court room. This includes division of your precious collection of Beanie Babies with your soon to be ex-spouse. If the value of your precious items is at issue, then bringing in a third party appraiser might be helpful. Also, when negotiating division of assets outside of court, it is important to carefully consider the item’s current and future value. It may be a huge risk to assume that items, like Beanie Babies, will have a significant future value. If you let your spouse keep a $20,000 vehicle at no charge or offset, in order to keep your beloved collection of Beanie Babies, you might be highly disappointed when years down the road you find out that Beanie Baby is still only worth less than $10. It’s a significant risk when you don’t know the item’s future value, but it’s a risk you might have to take to move the negotiating process forward and stay out of court while proceeding with your divorce.
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Divorcing couples must divide their house, cars, money, furniture, businesses, retirement accounts and everything else they own. Division of property is just one unpleasant but inevitable part of the divorce process. In most cases, the parties own few antiques or family heirlooms, if any at all, and possibly a few other valuable items. However, for those couples with several pieces of art or even an art collection, dividing personal property can be much more complicated.

Many collectors of art are sentimentally connected to specific pieces and do not look at the piece of art the same way they would look at any of their other assets, like a savings account for instance. Consequently, the art collector will be less likely to divide the art in the same manner that he/she is willing to divide the kitchen appliances or family vehicles. Therefore, when dividing art it is important for the divorce attorneys and parties to find a solution that will make everyone as happy as possible.

Before coming up with a solution to divide the art, the parties are advised to make an inventory that details each piece of art that was acquired during their marriage. They should also include, in the same or a separate list, all art acquired prior to the marriage or after the parties’ separation, which will be confirmed as the respective party’s separate property. One way to inventory the art is to create a spreadsheet that lists the name or brief description of the piece of art, the place where the art was purchased, the current location of the art (i.e in the family residence, in a storage unit, displayed in a gallery, etc.), the purchase price and the current value, if known.The value of the art is not necessarily the price that was paid for it. So in order to know the value of the art, the parties might consider hiring an appraiser to come appraise each piece of art. It may seem like just one additional cost to add to the ever growing divorce expense list, but having the art appraised could make a big difference when figuring out how to equitably divide it between the spouses. If the spouses cannot agree on a joint appraiser, then each spouse can hire their own appraiser. However, if the appraisals conflict significantly, it may make negotiations over division of the art a bit more complicated. One way to resolve this issue is for the couple to agree to split the difference between the two conflicting appraisals. If the couple (with the help of their attorneys) is able to figure out a way to divide the art, rather than taking the issue to Court, everyone is more likely to come out happier with the result.
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Gwyneth Paltrow’s split from Coldplay’s lead vocalist, Chris Martin, has been anything but ugly. Most celebrity divorces are buzzed about because of the crazy scandals that supposedly caused the divorce and the long-drawn out fights over money and custody that typically ensue. However, Paltrow and Martin have proven to have a refreshing approach to their divorce thus far…an approach I hope to see more of my clients taking in the future, mostly for the sake of their children.

The 42 year-old actress and Oscar winner is featured on the cover of the February 2015 issues of Marie Claire. In the magazine’s article she reveals that there was nothing dramatic that caused her divorce from Martin. Rather, Paltrow explains that her 11 year relationship with Martin simply “hit a wall.” In California, this type of situation would likely constitute “irreconcilable differences” as grounds for filing for divorce.

A lot of people get divorced because they are ready to focus on themselves, rather than continuing to try and make a failed relationship work. The best way to start this newfound journey of self-discovery and happiness is to not allow your divorce to get emotionally out of hand. This may be easier said than done but Paltrow seems to be evidence that it can be done. Paltrow and Martin have two children together, Apple, 10, and Moses, 8, and are allegedly treating each other with respect and even being supportive of their dating decisions, for the sake of their own sanity and the well-being of their children.

While appearing on The Howard Stern Show Paltrow explained that she’s okay with Martin dating other women because she knows that he loves the kids and that “he wouldn’t be with someone that wasn’t great.” So many times, people going through a divorce spend so much time focusing their attention on jealousy, anger and resentment towards their ex-spouse. But what they should be focusing on is the kids instead, with the understanding that their ex-spouse is likely going to continue to be in their life for quite some time as a co-parent. Paltrow seems to understand that importance of thinking about what her kids needs are, rather than her own, and working towards making the kids’ lives better despite the divorce. Letting go of the fact that your ex-spouse is dating a new person, so long as he/she is good to your kids, is one way to not let the divorce take a turn for the worse.
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As previously blogged in my blog titled “Make Post-Divorce Co-parenting Easier with Apps,” the Our Family Wizard software and database is a tool that many parents utilize and rave about. The program is particularly well-known in the family law community because attorneys and family professionals often encourage their clients to utilize the program especially in situations where the parents are in the middle of a highly contested custody case. In fact, as part of a divorce case, family law courts can even order parents to use the Our Family Wizard application.

If the program is used properly, it can significantly help keep high-conflict behavior under control. The possibility of having their lies, manipulations and aggressive behavior exposed through the app seems to deter abusive and inappropriate behavior between parents. However, in order to properly utilize Our Family Wizard and to get the most benefit out of it, it is important to understand everything that the program offers. It is known to be more than just a shared calendar. It gives users access to a variety of tools that help track parenting time, keep a schedule, share important information, track expenses and create communication between the parents. In essence, the program helps parents co-parent with less friction.

Although anyone can use the application, Our Family Wizard claims that it is specifically designed to reduce “the stress from communication and planning between parents who live in separate households.” Often times in divorces, the children end up being the “middlemen” or used to relay information to the other parent. Our Family Wizard tries to avoid the children being caught in the middle by providing the parents with a joint calendar where they can create parenting plans, share activities, trade custody days and keep accurate records. There is also an information bank where the parents can share important information, such as the child’s medical information, school information, and much more. It’s in the children’s best interest for the parents to collaboratively co-parent and avoid involving the children in the conflict.

The application also has a message board which keeps their communication secure and accurately documented. Especially in “he said/she said” cases this application, specifically the message board, can be extremely helpful to family law judges. One parent can’t claim that he/she never got the communication because each message has a “read stamp” and is preserved in the database. Another great feature of Our Family Wizard is the expense log where the parents can track shared expenses and even make online payments from a checking/savings account.
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January has been a busy and exciting month at the Law Offices of Nancy Bickford. After the New Year we hit the ground running and are busy at work filing new divorce petitions and continuing to push forward with settlement discussions and litigation preparation. Perhaps this has been due in part to the first Monday of January being known as “Blue Monday”, which legal experts have more appropriately dubbed as “Divorce Monday”.

Statistics have shown that “Divorce Monday” is the busiest day for divorce lawyers because it is the most popular day for couples to file for divorce. Over the holidays and festive season many couples endure a variety of strains on their marriage. Extra time with in-laws is bound to cause some tension among couples. The over indulgence in alcohol may bring out some couples’ true emotions and anger with one another. And all the gift buying is pretty much a given for financial strain and arguing among married couples. No to mention the extra time spent with your spouse, instead of being away at the office, over the holidays is likely to highlight relationship problems and cause the cracks to start showing.

Despite these strains that many married couples inevitably go through during the holiday season, many people want to wait until after Christmas and the New Year before actually taking that step to file for divorce. This is especially true for those couples who have children because they don’t want to take away from the excitement of the holidays. Thus a flurry of couples decide to wait until that first working Monday after the New Year to seek the help of professionals to dissolve their marriage. Hence why this day is known among lawyers as “Divorce Monday.”

Those who start their divorce proceedings in January have a better chance of being done with their divorce by the end of the year. In California, the divorce process will take a minimum of six months from the date the person filing for divorce officially lets his/her spouse know about the divorce. Of course, it could take much longer if the parties end up litigating issues and are able to reach an amicable settlement. But at least by filing in January, the parties have a better chance of being able to call themselves single at the beginning of the following year if all goes smoothly in the divorce process.
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One asset to be divided in many divorces is a marital residence that the parties lived in during marriage. During or shortly after a divorce, the marital residence may have to be sold because neither party can afford to keep up with the house payments and associated expenses alone. Or, depending on the parties’ financial situation, the parties might be able to work out a plan in which one party gets to stay in the marital residence post-divorce. If this is the case, typically the party remaining in the marital residence will have to “buy-out” the other spouse’s interest in the house. This situation often occurs when the parties to a divorce have one or more minor children still living at home. If the marital residence is not sold pursuant to a divorce agreement and instead one party remains there post-divorce then a little home makeover might be necessary to make it feel like “home” again.

A home makeover is a great way to start fresh after a divorce and help you move on from your marriage. If your house looks the same way it did when both you and your ex-spouse were living there together then it will probably be a lot harder to move on because you will have constant reminders of your ex and your marriage. The half empty closet, unused drawers and empty spaces on the walls where your wedding photos once hung will only serve as constant bitter reminders of what is now gone. Whether you are happy or sad about the divorce, those constant reminders need to go away in order for you to have a happy and healthy fresh new start at life.

The first step in a post-divorce home makeover is to fill all of the open space. You might not have excess funds to go out and buy new things, especially right after your divorce. So instead of getting new things to fill the empty void, simply reorganize and utilize all of your space with your current belongings. In order to cover up the holes in the wall from where your wedding photos once hung, try your hand at painting the wall a new color or putting up some new wall decor.

Another home makeover tip to cure the post-divorce blues is to make your bed a comfortable space for just you. Perhaps you got used to sleeping on just one side of the bed. Well now that the bed is all yours, get rid of the old sheets and pick out new sheets and a comforter that fits your new style. And add some extra pillows to help make the bed feel smaller when you are in it alone. A home makeover can be just the right thing to get you started on a new YOU after divorce!
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A name change is one on the top of the “to do” list when a couple first marries. The new bride will decide whether she would like to keep her maiden name, take her husband’s last name or hyphenate the two. Recently, some grooms have also changed their names upon marriage taking their new bride’s name or even hyphenating their names. Although the groom name change is a new trend on the rise, more often than not, the bride will take some form of her new husband’s name instead. Often at the time of divorce, there are many other stressful and pressing factors to consider besides a name change. In addition, depending on the length of the marriage, it may seem like second nature for the wife to continue using her married name without considering a name change.

If you are going through a divorce it is important to consider whether or not you would like to be restored to your former name prior to finalizing your divorce. If you and your spouse have resolved your divorce by agreement, it is easy to check the name change box on the final forms and/or include the appropriate provisions in the settlement documents. If you and your spouse did not reach an out-of-court settlement and proceed with trial, you can request a name change from the judge at the end of your case. After the divorce process is complete, the procedure for a name change is more difficult. If you are considering a name change during the pendency of your divorce, it is important to discuss that issue with your attorney so that he or she can take the proper steps to ensure the change is included in the final divorce paperwork.If you have already changed your name pursuant to your final divorce judgment, there are still additional steps you must take in order to complete the process and avoid future logistical problems. With a new name, you will need to obtain a new social security card. Your social security number will not change, but your name will appear different on your new card. Procedures for requesting a new social security card are outlined on the Social Security Administration‘s official website. A request for a new social security card can be submitted personally at the nearest Social Security Administration office or by mail.

After you obtain a new social security card, you will need to request a new driver’s license from the California Department of Motor Vehicles. Unfortunately, the DMV requires you to appear in person in order to request a new driver’s license under these circumstances. With a new driver’s license and social security card, you can request a new passport, credit cards, debit cards and update all of your information on other financial accounts.
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If you have recently retained an attorney to represent you in your divorce proceeding, chances are that you already have or will soon receive what is known as a “litigation hold letter.” Although you will inevitably receive many other letters and forms at the onset of your divorce proceeding, it is important to pay close attention to this particular letter.

Family law attorneys will typically send their clients a litigation hold letter right after the attorney has been retained by the client. These written directives are also known as “preservation letters” or “stop destruction requests.” In anticipation of potential future litigation, a litigation hold letter or notice is essentially written instructions requiring that you preserve all documents and electronically-stored information (“ESI”) which could be relevant evidence. ESI refers to any information that is created, stored or utilized with computer technology. This includes emails, computer and network activity logs, digital recordings, voice mails, web-enabled cell phones and portable devices, internet files, computer drives, disks, CDs, etc.

Generally, the obligation to preserve evidence begins when a party knows, or reasonably should know, that the evidence is relevant to future or current litigation. In other words, the evidence is reasonably calculated to lead to the discovery of admissible evidence, is reasonably likely to be requested during discovery, or is the subject of a current discovery request from the opposing party. Thus, if not already triggered, receipt of the litigation hold letter will trigger the duty to preserve relevant evidence.The scope of the hold depends on the specific facts of the case and what is likely to be at issue in future litigation. Typically, the hold will apply to all sources of data including emails, calendar entries, cell phones, accounting software, hard drives, thumb drives, contacts and task lists. Most documents today are in digital form, which is why preservation of ESI is particularly important. This does not mean that you have to save every single email or scrap of paper, but you should suspend routine destruction of documents and ESI as it relates to relevant evidence that might be useful to your opposing party. Even if your hard drive or phone breaks, for example, you need to refrain from disposing of it until your attorney says it’s okay.

If you have any questions before you delete anything or throw something away, you should speak with your attorney because there are severe penalties for what the court deems to be the destruction of evidence. You may be exposed to possible liability and sanctions. For instance, the Court may prohibit you from presenting certain evidence yourself, the court may decide issues without any input from you or the court may even make you pay for the recreation of the lost or damaged electronically stored information.
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