A custody battle is all about your children so your actions and behavior during the custody battle should also be all about the children and making sure that they are the top priority. Below are some tips for things to do or not do if you are fighting for custody of your child or children:

1) Do not discuss legal matters around your child. No matter how angry or upset you are with your spouse, your child is not the person you should be venting to about the divorce. Consider meeting with a therapist or at least save the divorce discussions for your adult friends.

2) Despite the anger and resentment you may have towards your soon to be ex-spouse, do your best to encourage your child to have a relationship with your soon to be ex-spouse. It’s important for a child to have both a mother and father role model in his/her life.

3) Avoid separating your child from your soon to be ex-spouse’s family members (i.e. grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.). Remember that just because you and your spouse have chosen to call it quits doesn’t necessarily mean your child should have to forfeit his/her relationships with extended family members. Also, when you feel the urge to say something bad about your ex’s family members, remember that even after the divorce your child will still be related to them even though you will not.

4) If you have been ordered to pay child support, do not withhold that support just to punish the other parent. By doing so, you will ultimately be punishing and deprived your child as child support is meant to help out with expenses related to the child.

5) Respect your spouse’s privacy rights when your child is in his/her care. As much as you may want to snoop on your spouse and make sure that your kids are being taken care of, the more respect you show your spouse then more you will likely receive in return. Additionally, so long as your child is not in danger, avoid trying to control every move of what your child does while in the custody of your spouse.

6) Be open to the possibility that a 50/50 shared custody arrangement may not be in the best interest of your child. Keep your child’s unique needs in mind. This is especially true if you have a special needs child who may not react well to change and different environments.

Going through a custody battle isn’t easy. Please contact us if you are considering a divorce from your spouse, a legal separation, or have questions regarding child custody and visitation. Nancy J. Bickford is the only attorney in San Diego County representing clients in divorces, who is a Certified Family Law Specialist (CFLS) and who is actively licensed as a Certified Public Accountant (CPA). Don’t settle for less when determining your rights. Call 858-793-8884 in Del Mar, Carmel Valley, North County or San Diego.