Just because you’re in the process of ending your marriage through divorce doesn’t mean that it’s the end of all hope for future love, romance or even another marriage in the future. However, while you might be eager to move on with your love life by jumping back into the dating scene, there are a few reasons why you might want to take a step back and put dating on hold until after your divorce is finalized.

1. Both dating and going through a divorce require a lot of time and attention.

   Going through a divorce can be extremely time-consuming, exhaustive and emotionally draining. This is especially true when the divorce is contested and there are children involved or there are complex, high-valued assets at issue. Jumping into a new relationship might not be the best move as you will need to devote a significant amount of time, energy and resources into finalizing your divorce. Also, if you want your new relationship to be successful then it is advised that you enter into it when you are emotionally, psychologically and financially stable. Otherwise, your new relationship might head down the same path as your marriage did.

2. Dating could result in issues related to child custody.

   If you are going through a divorce and there are minor children involved then dating can cause several issues that might affect custody and parenting arrangements. First of all, divorce is not only difficult on the spouses involved but also on the children. By bringing a new boyfriend or girlfriend into the children’s lives too soon might cause emotions of resentment and confusion to surface as the children have likely not had an adequate amount of time to adjust to and grasp all of the changes the come along with a divorce. Adding another person to the mix is just another change that is not in the best interests of your children.

   Also, keep in mind that custody arrangements might also be affected if your new boyfriend or girlfriend has a bad (i.e. criminal) past. Legal fees will likely skyrocket if the focus of the divorce becomes about the new significant other, rather than just the two spouses.

3. Infuriating your ex-spouse is not the best idea during a divorce.

   If you begin dating while going through a divorce and your soon-to-be ex-spouse finds out, then he/she might react in a not so pleasant manner, to say the least. Inciting emotions of anger and jealousy will only lead to a more complex divorce as your spouse will be less likely to want to settle with you and the divorce will have less of chance of being as amicable as you had hoped. Finding someone new while ending the relationship with your current spouse will only add fuel to the fire in a contested divorce.

When it comes to dating while going through a divorce, it’s important to take a step back and look at the reasons why it might be in your best interest to wait until the divorce is officially over before seeking someone new. Even though you might feel lonely during a divorce and feel a longing to fill an empty space, remember that a divorce is only a bump in the road and that you have plenty of time afterward the divorce is final to begin moving on with your life. Focusing on resolving your divorce, rather than putting your time and energy into dating right away, will likely result in a quicker divorce with hopefully less emotional exhaustion.

Please contact us if you are considering a divorce from your spouse, a legal separation, or have any questions regarding grounds for divorce. Nancy J. Bickford is the only attorney in San Diego County representing clients in divorces, who is a Certified Family Law Specialist (CFLS) and who is actively licensed as a Certified Public Accountant (CPA). Call 858-793-8884 in Del Mar, Carmel Valley, North County or San Diego.