Articles Posted in Divorce

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One of the popular marketing strategies for family law firms throughout San Diego County is promoting “divorce for men”. From billboards to newspaper ads and firm websites, many law firms advertise a focus on “husbands and fathers” and protecting their rights. “Men’s rights” is an issue that many litigants associate with divorces, custody battles and domestic violence cases. However, is there really a different skill level involved when representing husbands and fathers or is this advertisement nothing more than a way to attract male clients?

It is a common belief that men walk into divorce court, a custody battle or a domestic violence restraining order hearing with the deck stacked against them. There is an assumption that men automatically will have to pay an exorbitant amount of money in support and/or to equalize property division. In addition, the general public assumes that the court tends to give women custody of minor children. With regard to domestic violence hearings, men assume that women are given the benefit of doubt and that restraining orders are granted more often than not. In reality, although a particular judge may have a bias against one gender or the other, the law makes it clear that men and women should be treated equally in divorce proceedings, custody hearings, or in domestic violence cases.

In San Diego divorces, support comes down to clear cut numbers. If a woman is the high income earner, she is legally obligated to pay child and/or spousal support if the circumstances permit. In addition, the same is true if a man is the high income earner. With regard to property division, under the law, all community property should be divided equally regardless of the sex of the parties. There is no differentiation between men and women with regard to support or property division in California divorce cases. Consideration of gender in making these determinations is an appealable offense.

Many of the stereotypes regarding favoritism towards women in custody and visitation cases stem from actual case law and statutes. In the past, it was permissible for courts to give preference to women in custody disputes. Today, it is improper for courts to make custody determinations on the basis of gender. Men and women are equal under the law with respect to the desirability of their role as parents. Often, the Court encourages children to spend time with both parents and to mend any broken relationships.

An overwhelming majority of domestic violence restraining orders are filed by women against men. However, that does not mean that a restraining order filed by a woman against a man is automatically granted and that men are disadvantaged. Statistically, women are more frequently the victims of domestic violence and men who are victims are less likely to report it than women. As a factual matter, most restraining orders are granted on a temporary basis until the matter is heard by the court and the accused is given the opportunity to present a defense. In San Diego, family court judges do not take the deprivation of a person’s liberty lightly and require evidence of domestic violence before they will grant a permanent restraining order.
Considering that men and women are on a level playing field under the law, it seems that catering towards “men’s rights” might be more of an advertising technique rather than a true skill set.
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Amber Rose recently filed for divorce from rapper hubby Whiz Khalifa. According to TMZ, she’s convinced that Khalifa has been cheating for quite some time now and making excuses that just don’t add up. When Rose wanted to join Khalifa on tour, he allegedly told her that she should stay home with their 1 year child instead. But Khalifa is convinced that it’s Rose who has been the one cheating and that she’s accusing him just to cover up her own infidelity.

Unfortunately many divorces, not just celebrity divorces, stem from an unfaithful partner. Unfaithfulness leads to a lack of trust between the spouses and then typically a complete breakdown of the marriage itself. Although finding out that your spouse is or has been unfaithful can be extremely painful for you and your family, here are some warning signs that you can look for to help determine whether your spouse has been or is on the verge of being an unfaithful partner.

1) There are extended periods of time where your spouse is unaccountable 2) Your spouse is spending more and more time with his/her “new friend”
3) There is distance in the bedroom between the two of you 4) Your spouse has a sudden need for privacy regarding his/her computer activity, cell phone activity, credit cards, etc.
5) Your spouse is requesting space to figure out his/her feelings 6) Your spouse’s typical work habits change (i.e. working much later or odd hours)
7) Your spouse is having secretive phone callsIf you can answer yes to any of the above then it might be time for you to consider talking to a family divorce lawyer. However, keep in mind that even though most people agree that adultery is wrong, California’ s divorce laws are actually forgiving of adultery. In fact, California was the first state to implement the concept of a no-fault divorce in 1970. This means that California Courts will not consider infidelity as a ground for divorce. Family law judges in California also cannot order the “cheater” to pay spousal support simply because of his/her misconduct. Rather, spousal support is based on the financial needs of one spouse and the other spouse’s ability to pay it. In California, adultery also does not play a factor is the Court’s decision regarding child custody and visitation. Rather, California Court looks at what is in the best interests of the children.
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One of the first hurdles to overcome in the beginning of any contentious divorce case is to determine how much support is owed from one spouse to another, if any. Many times, a dispute over the proper support amount lands the parties in court for a short hearing at the outset of the case. After a month or two of crunching numbers and producing financial information, the parties are typically relieved when they walk out of the courtroom just to have a number that they can count on to pay or receive each month. In addition, many times the parties reach an agreement regarding the amount of support on the courthouse steps and simply read their agreement on the record in front of the judge. Although neither party is usually satisfied with the amount of support, having certainty regarding monthly support provides both sides with a little stability.

The amount of support is usually the main focus in any support negotiation or hearing. However, often times the parties, attorneys, and judges forget to include details (or decide not to include details) regarding when the support payments are due each month. In a typical scenario the parties appear in court on a particular date during the month and receive a support order that is effective another date. On the first date of the following month, the supported spouse expects to get that first support check in the mail. After waiting a few days, the supported spouse may call his or her spouse or his or her attorney claiming that the paying spouse is “late” on payment. However, careful review of the support order is necessary to determine whether the paying spouse is late on his or her payment. Many times, the support order is silent on the due date of the monthly support payment.

An optimal order will state something like “Effective August 1st, 2014, and payable on the first of each month thereafter, Husband shall pay to Wife for her support and maintenance the sum of $2,000.00 per month”. Pursuant to the default family code provisions, absent a specific due date for support, the support payment is due on the last day of the month in which the support payment is to be paid. The paying spouse may be able to go over a month without paying support after the hearing which puts the supported spouse in a difficult financial position as bills become due.

In addition to waiting to the last minute to make support payments, some paying spouses argue that the support order does not become effective until a formal order is signed. Following most support hearings, the parties must agree upon and execute a formal order. However, this process can be delayed if the parties “disagree” on exactly what was ordered in court. Luckily, California courts have held that support orders become operative at the moment of pronouncement. This means that the support order is effective prior to the execution of a formal written order.
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As one would expect, going through a divorce is typically a time of emotional upheaval and chaos. You will likely be required to spend a significant amount of time preparing legal paperwork, attending court hearings, going to your attorney’s office and dealing with the day-to-day drama that comes with a divorce. Your life might seem like one chaotic mess as a result of having to suddenly move out of your residence or divide up your belongings. And the time that you get with your children, well you surely won’t want to sacrifice a minute of that to focus on work instead. So with all of this going on during a divorce, how can you properly manage your career and avoid losing your job??Keep Your Professional Reputation Intact
If you are going through a very tumultuous and heated divorce, your soon to be ex-spouse may be inclined to attempt to ruin your reputation in the workplace. He/She may feel the need to reach out to your boss or your coworkers and make disparaging remarks about you. To avoid the potential aftermath of this, it would behoove you to take preventative steps and pull your boss aside for a private meeting to let him/her know that you are going through a divorce but that it will in no way, shape or form affect your work ethic. Although it’s really none of your boss’s business perhaps giving him/her a heads up that your spouse is not in a good place emotionally, will prepare your boss in case a phone call or email comes his/her way from your spouse.

Another way of keeping your professional reputation intact is to not allow your performance to slip. Although your mind might be focused on the divorce, try to keep your attention on the job during working hours. One motivator to keep your performance at its peak is the potential that you will be paying spousal and/or child support to your ex-spouse. It is likely a critical time for you to be sure that you have a continuous stream of income.Save Your Vacation and Sick Days
During the divorce, you might need to take partial or whole days off to attend court hearings, meet with your attorney, attend mediation, pick your children up from school, etc. You are probably limited on the number of paid vacation and sick days that you are allowed to take from work so do your best to save those while going through a divorce. Having to take an unpaid day off or jeopardizing your career is just added stress that you will want to avoid during a divorce.

Separate Work and Family
Although easier said than done, you should focus on separating your work and family life as much as possible. Working on divorce papers or taking phone calls from your soon to be ex-spouse while at work will only serve to distract you from getting your job done. Also, keeping your personal life to yourself will help avoid unnecessary gossip around the office. It’s also important to leave your work at work when you come home. Your custody arrangement might not provide you with as much time with your children as you would like, so every moment you spend with them should be cherished and not distracted by work. If you don’t have children, then your alone time is still critical to allow you the time to cope with your divorce emotions or perhaps meet new people.
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The practice of divorce law can be a complicated process; however, family law can be boiled down to the following basic areas: property division; child custody and visitation, support, credits and reimbursements, and attorney fees and costs.

Property Division
In every divorce case the parties must characterize and divide all of the property they own. Absent a different agreement by the parties, all property acquired during marriage by either party is community property and should be divided equally. All property acquired prior to marriage or post-separation is the separate property of the acquiring party. In addition, all property acquired at any time by gift, devise, or bequest is the separate property by the acquiring party. These basic principles are the guidelines for division of property in a divorce case.

Child Custody and Visitation
If divorcing parties share minor children, they must reach an agreement (or receive an order from the court) regarding legal and physical custody of their children. Legal custody is the right to make decisions regarding the health, wellbeing, and education of a child. In most divorces, the parties agree to share legal custody. Physical custody is the determination of how the parties will share time with the child. Disputes over visitation and timeshare have the potential to drag a divorce case out for years. If the parties keep in mind that the gold standard for custody and visitation is the “best interests of the child” they should be able to resolve custody disputes amicably.

SupportIn all divorce cases the parties must address the issue of spousal support in order to determine whether it is appropriate under the circumstances. If the parties have minor children they also must consider whether child support is appropriate. As a basic starting point, the parties or their counsel can use the DissoMaster program which provides guideline child and spousal support amounts based on both parties’ income, tax status, and other guideline deductions. Although the law regarding child support is different than spousal support, guideline amounts are a great starting point for discussion.

Credits and Reimbursements
Separating one household’s finances into two can be a complicated process. Post-separation, both parties typically pay for expenses incurred by or for the benefit the other. In addition, one party may also have exclusive use and possession of a community asset such as the marital residence. Depending on the case, the parties may want to create an accounting of their requests for reimbursements and/or credits. These requests are within the court’s discretion and the parties do not often get a dollar for dollar reimbursement for each joint expense paid post-separation. Further, credits and reimbursements are often offset against support that was not paid during the beginning of the divorce process.

Attorney Fees and Costs
If either party is represented by counsel in the divorce process, the parties must determine how responsibility for attorney fees and costs must be allocated. If the parties cannot resolve this issue by agreement, the Court will determine the proper allocation of attorney fees and costs.
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Prior to marriage, it is not uncommon for people to incur debts or obligations to their significant others. For example, in a long term relationship a boyfriend might loan his girlfriend money for a down payment on a new car or money for car repairs. If the couple cohabitates, the couple might have an agreement that the girlfriend will pay all of the household expenses while her boyfriend attends school full time. In another common scenario, a couple agrees that one of the parties will lend the other money for tuition. Significant others can also incur debts to each other by one party providing professional services to the other such as legal or tax preparation assistance. As long as an agreement exists for repayment (either orally or in writing) and other contract requirements are met, the parties have entered into an enforceable contract.

What happens to a debt or obligation between significant others if the parties get married? During marriage all earnings, accumulations, and liabilities acquired by either party during marriage are community property. However, in general, all property (and liabilities) acquired prior to marriage is the separate property of the acquiring spouse. A pre-marriage debt owed by one spouse to the other is by default a separate property receivable for one spouse and a separate property obligation of the other. According to California statues and case law, a pre-marriage debt between spouses is not extinguished by marriage. This means that after separation, the lending spouse may collect the debt from his or her spouse.Even if a pre-marriage debt between spouses survives marriage, what happens if the marriage lasts longer than the statute of limitations on collections? In civil cases, a lender generally has a limited period of time to collect money owed to him or her from a debtor. Typically, statutes of limitations range from two to three years depending on the particular cause of action. Because a significant number of marriages last longer than two to three years, the statute of limitations on collection of a pre-marriage debt may expire before the parties seek a divorce. However, California courts have carved out specific rules regarding debts owed between people who get married. In California, the statute of limitations on debt collection is tolled (is put on pause) from the date a lender and debtor get married through the date of separation.

There is an important distinction in this area of law between couples who are married and couples who merely cohabitate. Because California does not recognize any form of common law marriage, couples must legally marry to toll any pending statutes of limitations on debt collections. If a couple cohabitates, all standard statute of limitations will still apply.
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Ending a marriage, doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to cut all ties with your ex spouse’s family. Or does it? When your spouse brought you into that family, they were expected to welcome you with open arms and treat you like part of the family. Then when you actually got married, you not only gained a husband/wife but also a whole new family. So now that you are no longer the husband/wife of your ex-spouse, does this mean that you can no longer have a relationship with his family too?

When considering whether or not to stay close with your ex’s family post-divorce, it’s important to first think about the underlying cause of your divorce. Sure your divorce papers might have said the cause was “irreconcilable differences”. But what was the root of those “irreconcilable differences?” Was it bad behavior, such as abuse, addiction or infidelity on your ex’s behalf? If so, perhaps staying close with your ex’s family might cause you to re-live the pain that you went through with your ex-spouse. On the other hand, your ex-spouse’s family might be more willing to offer you the support that you need and that you didn’t receive from your spouse. It’s important to keep in mind though that your ex’s family will inevitable stay loyal to your ex so you need to be sure to know where your boundaries are and exercise caution.

Another consideration is what message it will send to your children if you stay close friends with your ex’s family. In many cases, this will be helpful for your children because your continued relations with your kids’ extended family will help ensure that they don’t suffer more loss of relationships as a result of your divorce. If the kids see that you are staying friends with your ex’s family then the whole divorce might appear to be a bit less dysfunctional for them. And maintaining a pleasant family environment for your children is likely to help them through this transition in their life.Lastly, before rushing to hang out with your ex sister-in-law on a daily basis or having your ex mother-in-law over for dinner every night, think about how your continued relationship will affect your ability to rebuild your life and move on from your ex. Can you really begin to focus on yourself if you haven’t given yourself the opportunity to let go of the past? Perhaps maintaining such close ties with your ex’s family will prevent you from accepting that the marriage is really over. On the other hand, maybe your ex-family is all that you really have and their support and friendship will help you get through this difficult transition in your life.
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There are so many experienced family law attorneys in San Diego that it might be difficult to decide which one you trust to handle your family law matter. In addition, your idea of how your family law matter should be handled can evolve as your case progresses. Especially in complicated divorce cases, litigation can drag out for months or even years. Due to the nature of family law, family law litigants work very closely with their attorneys during the pendency of their actions.

Over time, the attorney and client may reach disagreements about how the case is handled and either party may wish to end the professional relationship. In addition to strategy disagreements, litigants may also change counsel as a result of personality conflicts or other practical impediments to communication. Both the client and attorney may agree to terminate the attorney-client relationship in order to further the client’s interest. For instance, the attorney may not have an efficient working relationship with opposing counsel. If the relationship between attorneys becomes too adversarial during the pendency of a case, the entire case could lose focus and become more expensive for both parties. In this type of situation, a change of counsel can give a family law case new direction and focus.If you are a family law litigant and are considering making a change of counsel, it is important to consider how this change may affect your case. First, hiring a new attorney will undoubtedly result in additional attorney fees and delay in your matter. Although your first attorney should not continue to charge you following formal withdraw as your attorney of record, your second attorney will need to “catch up” on your case. The time required for a new attorney to get up to speed on your case will depend on the size of your file, the level of litigation and how long your case has progressed for. The time spent by your new attorney getting up to speed will have a direct impact on the cost of your change of counsel. The longer the new attorney spends reviewing the case file prepared by your former attorney, the more expensive the transition will be.

Family law litigants should not change attorneys as a tactic to delay litigation. If an attorney feels the other side has changed counsel in order to stall the proceedings, he or she can file a motion for sanctions. If the judge determines that the litigant has interfered with the policy of fair dealing and settlement in family law proceedings, he or she will sanction (fine) the offending party.
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The term “Legal Separation” and “Dissolution” are distinctly different in that a legal separation does not result in dissolving the marriage itself, while a dissolution of marriage does indeed dissolve the marriage and will return the parties to their single status. There are several reasons why a spouse may want to file a petition for legal separation rather than a petition for dissolution of marriage. Some common reasons are because of the person’s religious background, an interest to maintain certain healthcare benefits, or perhaps because the parties do not qualify to file for divorce because they have not met the residency requirement (there is no residency requirement to file a petition for legal separation in California).

If you initially filed for a legal separation for one of the reasons listed above or for any other reason, but you decide that would prefer a divorce, then you will need to convert your case into one for divorce. In California, you are able to convert your legal separation to a divorce at any point during the legal process, even after your legal separation is final. Either spouse can be the one to request that the legal separation be converted into a dissolution of marriage.

If a judgment of legal separation has not yet been obtained (meaning that you have filed your petition for legal separation but the proceedings are still pending) and your spouse has not yet responded to your petition, then so long as the residency requirement is met, you (the Petitioner) can simply file an amended petition and check the box for “Dissolution of Marriage”. Your spouse will need to be served again with the amended Petition. However, if a judgment of legal separation has not yet been obtained but your spouse has already filed his or her Response to your original Petition for Legal Separation, then you may need to request approval from the Court.If a judgment of legal separation has already been obtained from the court and you later decide that you would prefer a divorce, then you cannot just file an amended petition. Instead, you will need to start over with a new case by filing a petition for dissolution of marriage and pay the filing fee again.

Regardless of the status of the petition for legal separation, either spouse can petition the Court for dissolution of marriage. Because of this, it is typically better to simply petition for dissolution of marriage from the get-go unless both parties agree to the legal separation or a legal separation would benefit one or both parties. Also, it is important to keep in mind that the six month waiting period to be returned to single status does not start ticking until the Petition for Dissolution of Marriage has been served on the Respondent, despite the status of the petition for legal separation.
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Going through a divorce (or any family law case) can create anxiety and become consuming for the parties involved. It is easy for family court judges and attorneys to become jaded by the volume of domestic issues they deal with on a daily basis. However, the average family law litigant has little to no experience with the court system. Considering the sensitive nature of family law cases, it is not surprising that litigants become frantic as each new problem or issue arises. Despite the sensitive nature of family law requests, it can be months for a litigant to obtain relief from the court.

In the case of true emergencies, the court offers ex parte hearings, which will be conducted with notice of twenty-four hours or less. However, ex parte relief will only be granted in a limited number of circumstances. Pursuant to the California Rules of Court, the Court will grant relief on an emergency basis in the following cases:

  1. Make orders to prevent an immediate danger or irreparable harm to a party or to the children involved in the matter;

  2. Make orders to help prevent immediate loss or damage to property subject to disposition in the case; or

  3. Make orders about procedural matters, including the following:
    a.) Setting a date for a hearing on the matter that is sooner than that of a regular hearing (granting an order shortening time for a hearing)
    b.) Shortening or extending the time required for a moving party to serve the other party with the notice of the hearing and supporting papers (grant an order shortening time for service) and c.) Continuing a hearing or trial.

Family law litigants will often run into court (or insist their attorneys run into court) requesting relief on an ex parte basis. However, as stated above, the requesting party must justify the lack of notice for his or her request with immediate danger, irreparable harm, to prevent immediate loss or damage to property, or for procedural issues. It is important for parties to carefully consider their decision to request emergency relief before filing a motion with the court. Too many unfounded ex parte requests will begin to create a “boy who cried wolf” reputation for the litigant. This means that if emergency relief is really necessary in the case, the court may not take the request seriously.
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