Articles Posted in Divorce and Children

The cost for a college education can be astronomically high these days. Of course, most parents are still eager for their children to get a college education. However, a major concern for divorcing parents with children is not only how they will pay for college once their child graduates high school, but who exactly will pay for all of the expenses that come with a college education. For some divorcing couples, this might not be an issue if money has already been earmarked for college. For other divorcing couples, the thought of their child being accepted to college can cause bittersweet anxiety.

Generally in California, child support payments will cease when the child reaches the age of 18. Beyond that, divorce attorneys will advise that there is typically no legal obligation for either parent to pay for the child’s college education, unless so ordered by the courts. So what happens, for instance, when one of the divorcing parties plans to remarry and ends up having other children who have their own tuition needs? Will he/she even chip in when it comes time to pay for college?

The best way to ease anxiety and secure payment for college expenses from your soon-to-be ex-spouse is to include such an obligation in your Marital Settlement Agreement (MSA) that addresses college support in addition to any child support agreements. An MSA is an agreement between divorcing spouses that addresses issues such as custody, support, and property division. A provision in a Martial Settlement Agreement regarding payment of college expenses will typically include details such as what percentage of college expenses each parent will be responsible for, restrictions on which types of college the provision will apply to (if any), and exactly which expenses will be covered (this may include tuition, room and board, books, extracurricular activities, etc.).

So while there is no legal obligation for one or both of the divorcing parents to pay for their kids’ college, absent a court order, it’s advisable that the parties not overlook the possibility of including a provision regarding college expenses in their Marital Settlement Agreement. This might serve to save a considerable amount of financial worries down the road and encourage divorcing parents to start setting aside funds for their portion of the future college payments.
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As we have previously blogged in “Understanding Parental Alienation in California Part 1,” parental alienation can be extremely detrimental to the children and alienated parents involved. Luckily, there are ways to combat parental alienation and attempt to reunite the child and alienated parent who have been affected by parental alienation.

How Courts Deal with Claims of Parental Alienation

Courts have found ways to address claims of parental alienation and seek remedies that will repair broken relationships and help establish both parents as having a role in raising the child. In mild to moderate cases of parental alienation, a child custody evaluation will typically be performed by an expert to determine how severe the problem is and what kind of therapy and child time sharing should be recommended to help improve the relationship between the child and “alienated” parent.

However, in severe cases of parental alienation, sometimes the only solution is to remove the child from the parent who is alienating the other parent and to instead place the child with the alienated parent. But, before a judge will change the custody arrangement, they will typically require that a psychological evaluation to be done. Unfortunately, such evaluations can take anywhere from three months to a year to complete. In addition, some evaluators will simply argue that the detriment caused by parental alienation can simply be cured with therapy and thus the evaluator will not recommend a custody change to the alienated parent, but instead will recommend a reunification plan involving therapy. If it appears that reunification is not working then the court will typically want the same or new psychologist to re-evaluate the situation, which will take additional time.

Reuniting Alienated Parents with the Child

As an alienated parent, reuniting with your child can pose several challenges. As a result of the parental alienation the relationship with the child is likely very fragile and must be handled carefully in an attempt to repair what has been broken.

However, with proper psychological care, time and patience it is possible to attempt to reverse the effects of Parental Alienation Syndrome and mend your relationship with your child.

It is also advised that the alienated parent not retaliate against the other parent. Rather, if the alienated parent acts reasonably then the parent who is causing the alienation will hopefully be influenced to do the same.
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While broken marriages can be stressful and emotional for both spouses involved, it is typically the children who end up suffering the most throughout the parents’ continued divorce battles. One prime example is where children end up suffering from “parental alienation syndrome,” which is commonly associated with child custody battles that occur during and after divorce. Parental alienation can be extremely detrimental to the child and the alienated parent alike.

What is Parental Alienation?

Parental alienation occurs when one parent acts in a manner that attempts to cause the child to reject the other parent by undermining and thwarting the child’s relationship with the other parent. The purpose of such alienation is usually an effort by one parent to gain or keep custody of the child.

The following behavior will typically lead to claims of parental alienation:

  • Not allowing the other parent to see or visit the child;
  • Refusing to allow the child to talk to the other parent on the phone;
  • Mis-informing the other parent about child’s special events so that it appears that the other parent chose not to attend;
  • Creating a perception that the other parent is dangerous;
  • Discarding mail or gifts sent to the child by the other parent;
  • Creating expectation that the child must choose a side; and
  • Bad-mouthing the other parent.
Parental Alienation’s Effect on the Children – PAS

Parental Alienation Syndrome (“PAS”) is a form of psychological injury to the child as a result of the above behaviors, wherein the child becomes “brainwashed” or manipulated into viewing the alienated parent in a negative light. As a result, the child adopts negative views of the other parent which in turn causes the child to reject the other parent and choose no longer want to spend time with that parent.

This can be extremely detrimental for any child. However, it is important to note that Parental Alienation Syndrome is not recognized a psychiatric diagnosis, but rather it is a theory that was developed by Dr. Richard Gardner. Nonetheless, there is even scholarly consensus that parental alienation (which leads to Parental Alienation Syndrome) is a form of abuse to children.

Parental Alienation’s Effect on the Parents

The impact of parental alienation is not only detrimental to children involved but also to the alienated parent, who involuntarily loses contact with the child, which in turn impairs his/her relationship with the child. In severe cases of parental alienation, the love and bond that the alienated parent once had with the child may be completely destroyed beyond what seems possible to repair.

In Understanding Parental Alienation in California Part 2 we will explore ways that courts deal with claims of parental alienation and tips for reuniting the alienated parents with their children.
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In January 2009, Madonna and Guy Ritchie finalized their divorce after eight years of marriage. At the time of their split, many rumors surfaced regarding an acrimonious divorce and possible affairs. Madonna is often cited as the source of the “adoption trend” for celebrities. In fact, as a mother of four children, Madonna only has one biological child with Ritchie, their son Rocco. In July 2013, Ritchie had his bar mitzvah at the Kabbalah Centre in New York City. Despite any lingering bitterness between Madonna and Ritchie, both parents attended their son’s bar mitzvah and behaved admirably. Continue reading

School is finally out and the sun is shining…summer vacation has officially arrived! Unfortunately, child custody arrangements are a hot item for potential conflict during the summer months because the daily routine often goes out the window leaving the possibility for chaos to emerge. Spending the warm carefree summer months battling over child custody issues is not fun for either parent and it is certainly not fun for the kids. Kids look forward to summer vacation all year long so it’s important that divorced or divorcing parents deal with summer vacations and child custody arrangements in a cordial way.

Child custody in the summertime doesn’t have to be plagued by conflicts! Here are some tips for avoiding those potential conflicts with your spouse and your kids during the three school-less months:

Plan vacation schedules in advance
Agreeing on a vacation schedule is the first step in dealing with child custody during the summer months. A vacation schedule can replace a regular child custody agreement if it is approved by a court and made legally binding. Agreeing on a temporary schedule for the summer vacation months well in advance will help to avoid many potential conflicts.

Foster good communication with the other parent
It is absolutely crucial to communicate with the other parent and notify him or her of any vacation plans and summer activities so that the child’s location is known in the event of an emergency. It’s always a good idea to also notify the other parent if vacation plans change. Keep in mind that when a parent refuses to disclose vacation plans to the other parent, both parents might end up in court. Unless there is a compelling reason not to, a judge will most likely order the parent to divulge vacation plans for safety reasons. This will cost time, money, and stress which could easily be avoided with open communication.

Be sensitive to your child’s emotions
Summer child custody schedules are often quite a big change from the normal daily routine during the school year. Sometime kids are sent to different cities or states to be with the other parent, which might cause an emotional reaction. It’s important for parents to be sensitive and understanding even when the child expresses that he or she misses the other parent. It’s important to not take the child’s reactions personally and to instead focus on the extra time you get to spend with the child.

Read more about the opinion of children in custody and visitation disputes

Don’t Skip or Tweak Child Support Payments
A change in time-share over the summer months (and likely resulting change in financial situation) does not mean that support payments can be skipped or tweaked. Unilaterally skipping or tweaking a support payment is sure to cause conflict with the other parent. Instead, a child support modification should be properly sought with the courts.Keeping these tips in mind this summer when dealing with child custody arrangements is likely to result in a lot more fun in the sun with your kids!
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Charlie Sheen, a regular news-maker in California family law, has four children from his two prior marriages. Two twin boys with ex-wife Brooke Mueller and two girls with ex-wife Denise Richards. After all the dust settled from his two divorces, Sheen’s twin boys ended up in the custody of Denise Richards. This unusual custody arrangement worked well for all of the parties. Richards was happy to care for Mueller and Sheen’s children because it gave her girls a chance to grow up with their half siblings. Mueller agreed to the arrangement because she has been struggling with addiction and is unable to properly care for the twins. Recently Mueller changed her mind about the current custody arrangement and her family lawyers sought a modification from the family court.

On Wednesday May 15th, Mueller, Sheen and Richards appeared before a family court judge to litigate Mueller’s request to modify custody. Mueller proposed the children be removed from Richards’s custody and placed with her brother. When Richards and her family lawyers opposed the request, Mueller accused her of caring for the children for her own financial benefit. If Mueller or her brother had custody of the twins, Mueller would be entitled to $55,000 per month in child support from Sheen. According to her declaration signed under penalty of perjury, Richards refused any money from Sheen to support the twins. She also stated that she did not want any money in the future to help her care for the boys. In light of this evidence, Mueller’s argument lost all of its bite and the judge flatly refused her request.

In any California custody case the paramount concern for the Court is the best interest of the child. As a stable lifestyle is usually in the child’s best interest, family court judges will always carefully consider any request to uproot young children. Mueller and her attorneys requested her four-year-old twins be removed from their home where they live with their siblings and be placed in the custody of a different caretaker. This traumatic change would likely take a great emotional toll on the children. Unless there is good cause to do so, judges will make an effort not to uproot children from a stable environment.

Although it is not realistic to expect all parents to come to an agreement regarding custody and visitation, it is typically in the best interest of the children if the parents can work together to come up with a mutually beneficial solution to their custody disputes. Throughout San Diego there are plenty of private and public custody mediators available to parents who need help cooperating for the benefit of their children.
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Former MLB and NFL legend, Deion Sanders, is use to battling to the top. But this time, his three children were on the line. As we have previously blogged, Sanders filed for divorce in 2011. Luckily for Sanders, he came out on top again when a Texas judge recently awarded him full custody of his 9 year old daughter. Sanders had also previously been awarded full custody of his two sons, 11 and 13, but had only been given joint custody of his daughter with estranged wife, Pilar. This leaves us to wonder, what exactly does Sanders’ “full custody” award entail? As divorce attorneys know, in California, two types of custody exist: “legal” and “physical”. Each type of child custody may be awarded solely to one parent or shared jointly between divorcing parents.

Legal Custody:

Legal custody refers to a parent’s right to make decisions about the child’s health, welfare and education. If a parent is awarded “sole legal custody” by the court, then he/she is the only one who has the right to make such decisions and may do so without consulting with the other parent. However, when divorcing parents are awarded “joint legal custody,” they both have the right to make decisions about the child’s health, welfare, and education.

Since Sanders has been awarded sole legal custody of all three children, he now has full range to make decisions about where the kids will go to school, whether they should receive medical care and whether they will engage in religious activities, without consulting with Pilar.

Read more about the divorce process in San Diego

Physical Custody:

Physical custody, on the other hand, refers to where the child lives after divorce. The parent who has physical custody is the one who has the right to have the child physically with them and in their home. Physical custody, like legal custody, can be awarded solely to one parent or shared jointly. When a divorce lawyer makes an argument for “Sole physical custody,” this means that the child will reside with only one parent. That parent is typically referred to by attorneys and the court as the “custodial” or “residential” parent. Divorce lawyers and judges refer to the other parent as the “non-custodial” or “non-residential” parent. It is important to note that the court can still order visitation time for the non-custodial parent.


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Joint physical custody” means that a child’s time is divided equally, or close to equally, between both parents. Family lawyers in San Diego will draft such custody orders so that each parent has separate but significant periods of physical custody. Typically, parents share joint legal custody of their children. Divorce attorneys will argue for sole legal custody if one parent is deemed unfit, the parents are completely unable to make decisions together, or it would be in the child’s best interest to have sole legal custody with one parent. For Sanders, winning the child custody battle with Pilar now means that all three kids will be living with dad!
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San Diego is known for having a vast military community. Among the many military bases in San Diego County are the Marine Corps Air Station Miramar, the Marine Corps Base Camp Pendleton, the Naval Base Coronado, the Naval Base San Diego, and the Naval Base Point Loma. In fact, the Naval Base San Diego is the largest base of the United States Navy on the west coast. Having a parent in the military can bring out a new set of child custody and visitation complications. It is important to consider possible deployments when creating any parenting plan.California Family Code section 3047 directly addresses a parent’s military obligations, “a party’s absence, relocation, or failure to comply with custody and visitation orders shall not, by itself, be sufficient to justify a modification of a custody or visitation order if the reason for the absence, relocation, or failure to comply is the party’s activation to military duty…or military deployment out of state.” Under this statute, one parent may not use the other’s military duties against them in a child custody proceeding. If the sole or joint physical custodian is required to move a substantial distance or is otherwise unable to exercise his or her custodial rights, the court may order a temporary modification in custody. Once the military parent is able to resume his or her custodial duties, the temporary order is subject to review. However, there shall be a presumption that the previous order will resume in place of the temporary modification. This presumption can be overcome if the court finds it is not the best interest of the child.

The best interest of the child is the controlling theme throughout San Diego family law. The court considers a number of factors and makes determinations of custody and visitation. Among the factors the court will consider are:

(1) The health safety and welfare of the child;

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