Articles Posted in Divorce Advice

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As we have previously blogged, healthcare can be a big financial concern for divorcing spouses. In many cases, one spouse provides health insurance for the entire family through his or her employer. However, upon divorce, the non-providing spouse must obtain his or her own health insurance. This can be a difficult process if he or she has a pre-existing condition and is denied coverage or if the premiums are prohibitively expensive. Additionally, obtaining health insurance can be especially problematic for those part of the “gray divorce” trend.

Divorce attorneys have noticed that the number of divorces involving spouses over 50 years old has been increasing. This phenomenon is known as the “gray divorce trend“. Many spouses in this age group are even holding out to finalize their divorce until they reach the age of 65 and are eligible for Medicare. Another tactic employed by spouses who cannot obtain outside health insurance upon divorce is to file for legal separation. These couples become legally separated but remain married to maintain their health insurance benefits. This strategy is not always a permissible option under an employer’s healthcare plan and the employee spouse may be charged with fraud and required to make financial restitution.

Beginning January 1, 2014, health insurance may not be such a financial hardship for the uninsured divorcing spouse. Health insurance may be more affordable and more accessible under the Affordable Care Act. Under this Act, health insurance companies will no longer be able to deny coverage or charge exorbitant premiums on the basis of a pre-existing condition. The knowledge of the spouse’s ability to purchase affordable healthcare will take a significant amount of fear out of the divorce process.Since health insurance is a factor considered in support calculations, divorce attorneys anticipate that Obamacare will also have an impact on that area of family law. When calculating child support, the Court will consider the health insurance premiums paid by both spouses and adjust accordingly. The “uninsured spouse” will typically be forced to pay extremely high premiums to obtain insurance and therefore his or her need for support is greater. This means that currently the supported spouse may argue for higher spousal support awards if they are obtaining new health insurance. With the introduction of Obamacare, the supported spouse may have a reduced need for support as healthcare may be more affordable. Additionally, many people may be eligible for a government tax credit toward their health insurance premiums. Undoubtedly, supporting spouses will ask family law judges to take this into considering when calculating support.
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Laura Wasser is an LA divorce attorney who represents Hollywood’s most famous celebrities. Considering her clientele, Wasser encounters her fair share of drama in her practice. Recently Wasser published a new book entitled “It Doesn’t Have to Be That Way” full of intriguing divorce stories and advice for any divorcing couple. Although Wasser has been involved in many divorce battles, she provides her readers with the following ten tips for a civilized divorce.

  1. Marriage is a contract. Although this “tip” seems harsh, it is true. Marriage is a contract between adults and when that contract ends, parties must wrap up their relationship in accordance with default California community property laws (unless a premarital agreement is in place). Further, once the relationship originally established between two people has changed, a new relationship must be discussed and negotiated.
  2. Divorce is a business transaction. Another harsh reality regarding divorce is that it is a business transaction. It may be difficult to calmly divide up the life you shared with your spouse, but emotional outbursts will only hinder the process. Wasser recommends parties keep their cool when negotiating divorce issues. Taking unreasonable positions in an attempt to punish your ex-partner will inevitably increase fees and delay the divorce process.
  3. Dissolve it before it gets ugly. The dissolution process will proceed more smoothly if the parties have maintained amicable feelings toward each other. If the parties still respect and care for each other, they are more apt to reaching mutually beneficial resolutions in the event of a dispute.
  4. Before discussing divorce, consider what you want to say. The opening discussion regarding divorce can set the tone for the entire dissolution process. If the parties openly discuss their options and agree to proceed in a collaborative manner, the divorce will likely proceed much smoother than if the parties open the dialogue with insults and threats.
  5. Keep your feelings to yourself. By wrapping up family, friends and co-workers in your divorce you may disclose too much information. It is important to keep the details of your divorce confidential by only sharing them with your attorney and a therapist if you are seeing one.
  6. Be prepared to share. If you have been the primary earner in the marriage you should be prepared to split all of your marital assets and to pay child and/or spousal support. This legal principal applies regardless of gender. The Court will order a female breadwinner to pay support just as a male breadwinner. Additionally, the parties should begin considering sharing their children and the difficulties of being apart from them.
  7. Do not behave badly in front of your children. For the well-being of your children, it is always best to make every effort not to involve them in the divorce process. This requires both parents to refrain from making disparaging remarks about the other in the presence of the children.
  8. Be graceful under pressure. In the event your spouse takes a “less than graceful” approach to the divorce process, it is important to remain stoic. Regardless of the poor behavior of one party, it is not appropriate to retaliate.
  9. Split assets together. Parties can save significant attorney fees and costs by reaching agreements together regarding smaller assets such as personal property in the family home. Often couples walk through the family home together and discuss what they would like. Read more about property division methods
  10. Don’t sleep with your ex-partner. Having a sexual relationship with your ex-partner post-separation can greatly impact your divorce case. A sexual relationship implies the marriage is not over and may change the date of separation.

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When people think of “divorce”, they don’t often associate it with the term “amicable”, which means to be “characterized by friendly good will” or “peaceable” (definition courtesy of Merriam-Webster). Thus, “amicable divorce” may seem like quite an oxymoron. However, it is often advantageous to everyone involved if the divorce can be achieved and in a somewhat amicable fashion.

There are several things that both parties can do to overcome the major pitfalls to an amicable divorce, three of which are discussed below. In doing so, both parties are more likely to avoid the high cost, painful feelings, and adversarial aspects that are part of a litigated divorce.Often times, divorcing spouses see the divorce process as a means for revenge and thus an instrument to hurt the other spouse. However, the problem with this approach is that it usually causes the other side to respond in the same manner, thus escalating everyone’s emotions involved. The “blame game” for instance tends to increase tension and prolong the divorce process. Although it is important to recognize that feeling exists, an amicable divorce is more likely achieved when both parties attempt to minimize the role that emotions play in a divorce. Divorce attorneys frequently must advise their clients with respect to this issue.A divorce is essentially about business. Thus, an amicable divorce is best achieved when both parties can openly discuss the terms of the “business”. Communication requires open disclosure regarding assets and liabilities. The more open the parties are with each other, the less likely the attorneys are to be required to seek information through the “discovery process“. The best divorce attorneys regularly work with their clients to facilitate communication between the parties.Efforts to minimize emotions and maximize communication both begin with the delivery of the divorce papers. In a proceeding for dissolution of marriage or legal separation, the moving party must, among other requirements, serve the responding party with a Summons and a Petition for Dissolution. Being served with these papers often incites a tremendous amount of fear, anger and confusion. Thus, it is advisable that the person filing for divorce consider discussing the divorce with his/her spouse prior to actually filing the documents. This will likely minimize the “initial blow” associated with being served with divorce documents.

Implementing the above strategies does not mean that you always have to give up on important issues. Rather, it means that you and your soon to be ex-spouse are willing to work things out in a fair and cooperative manner so that you both end up with an agreement that works for everyone. Despite efforts to achieve an amicable divorce, the divorce process can be quite complicated, especially in San Diego.
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